Columnist: Tolulope Boluwatife
Credit: Ashanti
Our topic today is titled COMMON MISTAKE IN RELATIONSHIPS and we shall be examining things that we most times do that disrupt our relationships. May I start by saying all relationships are meant to be enjoyed but due to a reason or the other, it doesn't work out as planned.
Relationship can be defined as an interaction or connection between two or more people. It maybe be mutual, family, cordial friends, or lovers.
There are some mistakes in relationship that we have to deal with;
1. Involving 3rd party into our relationship
2. Lack of understanding
3. Trying to change a partner
4. Moneeeeeeeeyyyyy (when you're not a money gram)
5. Confrontation
How Can A Third Party Affect The Relationship?
This problem, called triangulation, is one of the great enemies of good marriages (RELATIONSHIP). Triangulation occurs when one spouse brings in a third party for an unhealthy reason. A “triangle” is created when, for example, a wife (Person A) goes to a friend (Person C) for something that she should go to her husband (Person B) for. Or in a family setting, a sibling (Person A) calls you (Person C) to talk about “Mom’s problem,” without first talking to Mom (Person B). Here are some examples of triangulation that occur in marriage
• A wife talks to her best friend about her unhappiness with her husband, but doesn’t let him know her feelings.
• A husband confides to his secretary that his wife doesn’t understand him.
• One spouse makes their child a confidant, becoming closer to the child than to her mate.
• A husband is more interested in his parents than in his wife.
In all these examples, a spouse is taking a part of his heart away from his mate and bringing it to an outside source. This is not only painful, but also unjust. It works against what God intended to develop in marriage—the mysterious unity that brings the couple closer to each other in ever-deepening ways. Triangulation betrays trust and fractures the union
Married love requires a great deal of safety for intimacy to grow. Marriage brings out the most vulnerable, fragile parts of us. And these vulnerable parts need a warm, grace-filled, and secure environment in which to grow. If a third party threatens this, those fragile parts cannot be safe enough to emerge, connect, and develop. A wife who has trouble learning to trust others, for example, will have great difficulty investing in her husband if he is kinder to other people than to her or if he discusses with friends what she shares in private with him.
In addition, relationship is designed to mature us. Living in such close proximity for so long with another person helps us come out of our isolation and self-centeredness. But it takes a great deal of work to grow in this context. You can be real with your colleagues and friends, but if you want to get the scoop on what someone is really like, the first person to ask is the spouse. The very exclusivity of relationship is like an oven: there’s a lot of heat, and you can’t always escape when you’d like to. But this heat can help us grow, also. The heat, or the pressure of living so closely with someone else, can help us face our weaknesses and work on them.
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